THOUGHTS ON THE COMMUNITY POOL!

IF YOU DON'T KNOW, NOW YOU KNOW.

TODAY MARKS A VERY SAD DAY...THE COMMUNITY POOL (CP™ FOR SHORT) IS OFFICIALLY CLOSED FOR THE 2025 SUMMER SEASON. AS A CITY GAL, I HAVE BEEN AN AVID COMMUNITY POOLER FOR THE PAST DECADE. HERE ARE SOME OF MY COMMUNITY POOL THOUGHTS:

4 REASONS WHY I LOVE THE CP

INCLUSIVITY: THE COMMUNITY POOL IS TRULY ONE OF THE MOST INCLUSIVE PLACES IN THE CITY. PEOPLE OF ALL AGES, ETHNICITIES, SOCIAL CLASSES, AND BATHING SUIT PREFERENCES COME TO THE POOL WITH THE SHARED DESIRE TO COOL OFF IN A GIANT (PEE FILLED) VESSEL. I LOVE IT.

SHE’S FREE: SICK OF PAYING $45 TO GO TO WINGAERSHEEK BEACH? HEAD TO THE COMMUNITY POOL ON MEMORIAL DRIVE FOR A FREE WATER EXPERIENCE. NO WALK ON FEES HERE!

PEOPLE WATCHING: I LOVE WATCHING THE LIL KIDS SHOW OFF AND SCREAM AT THEIR FRIENDS TO WATCH THEM DO A “SICK TRICK” WHICH REALLY JUST LOOKS LIKE THEM SEIZING AS THEY FALL INTO THE POOL WITH THEIR BODIES CONTORTED. THEY ARE SO PROUD OF THEIR “TRICKS” IT’S HEARTWARMING. THERE’S ALSO ALWAYS FUNNY TEENAGERS, LOVERS BEING VERY FLIRTY AND THE OCCASIONAL FIGHT. YOU CAN GET IT ALL AT THE CP!

ABOVE: CUTIES ENJOYING A PUBLIC WATER EXPERIENCE.

IT’S GREAT FOR A SOLO ADVENTURE OR WITH FRIENDS: I GO TO THE CP ALONE AT LEAST ONCE A WEEK AND WILL GO WITH A FRIEND OR TWO A FEW TIMES EACH SUMMER. SOME FRIENDS HAVE NEVER BEEN TO THE COMMUNITY POOL BEFORE AND IT’S FUN TO SHARE SOMETHING NEW WITH PEOPLE. AFTER SPENDING TIME AT THE POOL EVERYONE ALWAYS SAYS “I’D GO BACK!!!”.

ABOVE: TWO OF MY BEST FRIENDS HAVING A BLAST AT THE CP WITH 100 OTHER PEOPLE.

2 *DO’S* AT THE CP

HAVE A PAIR OF COMMUNITY POOL SHOES: I LOVE THE COMMUNITY POOL BUT THE BATHROOMS/CHANGING AREAS ARE OFTEN FLOODED WITH MYSTERIOUS WATER PUDDLES. NOT SURE IF IT’S WATER OR PEE…BECAUSE OF THIS I LIKE TO HAVE A DESIGNATED PAIR OF *POOL SHOES*. MAY I RECOMMEND A PAIR OF 5-YEAR-OLD FLIP FLOPS? THOSE ARE PERFECT.

BRING A BOOK: THE CP IS A GREAT PLACE TO CATCH UP ON SOME READING. BEWARE IF YOU’RE A CUTE GIRL ALONE (ME), AS ANOTHER POOL GOER MAY COME UP TO YOU TO INQUIRE WHAT YOU’RE READING IN AN ATTEMPT TO FLIRT…HE MAY THEN REVEAL TO YOU THAT HE IS READING “WHERE THE HEART IS” WHICH IS A PECULIAR READ FOR A 30-YEAR-OLD STRAIGHT MALE. NO JUDGEMENT HERE…READ WHATEVER THE HECK YOU WANT!!!

ABOVE: IN “WHERE THE HEART IS” NATALIE PORT’S CHARACTER IS LEFT BAREFOOT AND PREGGERS IN A WALMART PARKING LOT BY HER SCUMMY BABY DADDY.

3 THOUGHTS ON LIFEGUARDS

THE BEING “HOT” REQUIREMENT: THE COMMUNITY POOL HIRING PROCESS MUST BE LIKE MARYLOU’S COFFEE…ONLY 1 REQUIREMENT…YOU HAVE TO BE “HOT” (I DON’T EVEN THINK THEY NEED TO KNOW HOW TO SWIM). I DO NOT THINK THE LIFEGUARDS ARE HOT (BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE CREEPY AND I WOULD NEED TO BE ARRESTED) BUT MAYBE I WOULD IF I WAS 17. HOWEVER, I DO THINK THAT THE LIFEGUARDS THINK THEY ARE HOT. ALL THE GUYS HAVE BLEACHED BLONDE HAIR WITH THEIR ROOTS STICKING OUT (NEW TREND? IDK I’M OLD). THE LIFEGUARDS ARE ALWAYS FLIRTING AND I ABSOLUTELY THINK THERE SHOULD BE THE REAL WORLD: COMMUNITY POOL SHOW. I IMAGINE THEY GET DRUNK OFF MALIBU ON TUESDAY NIGHTS AT JOEY'S GRANDMA’S HOUSE WHILE GMA’S ASLEEP UPSTAIRS.

“POOL CHECKS”: EVERY 90 MINUTES OR SO THERE IS A “POOL CHECK”. THIS IS WHERE THE LIFEGUARDS FORCE EVERYONE TO GET OUT OF THE POOL UNDER THE GUISE THAT THE POOL IS BEING CHECKED FOR…IDK…CHEMICALS? THE FUNNY THING IS, NO ONE APPEARS TO BE “CHECKING THE POOL” AND INSTEAD THE LIFEGUARDS ALL UTILIZE THAT TIME TO FROLIC IN THE POOL WHILE ALL THE CPers SIT ON THE BURNING CEMENT AND LOOK ON TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT THE HECK IS EXACTLY HAPPENING. THE LIFEGUARDS WILL JUST SWIM AND SPLASH EACH OTHER FOR 15 MINUTES BEFORE FEROCIOUSLY BLOWING THEIR WHISTLES TO SIGNAL TO US THAT WE CAN GO BACK INTO THE POOL.

EGO TRIPS: THE LIFEGUARDS LOVE TO YELL AT CHILDREN. I’VE SEEN ADULTS ACTING A FOOL BUT THEY WON’T DARE REPRIMAND THEM. THE AMOUNT OF TIMES I’VE SEEN A LIFEGUARD YELL AT A 4-YEAR-OLD AND MAKE THEM CRY IS DISHEARTENING. LET’S BRING COMPASSION BACK TO THE CP.

ABOVE: BLEACHED BLONDE LIFEGUARD (WHERE’S WALDO) YELLING AT A CHILD.

THE COMMUNITY POOL IS CLOSED WHICH MEANS SUMMER IS COMING TO AN END. SAVOR THESE DAYS. EAT A DIET OF SOLELY TOMATOES AND LET THE SUN KISS YOU ALL DAY LONG.

LOVE & STUFF,

DI